Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
