I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
