i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
