I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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