got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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