Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Randomize
