I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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