remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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