we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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