Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Randomize
