i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
