I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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