Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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