Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize