My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
