I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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