Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
