i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
