i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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