So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
