I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
