He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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