im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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