y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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