I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
