i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
