Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
