So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
