i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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