Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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