I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You work out of a Hotel?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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