When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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