u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
