Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
