I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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