dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
