im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
