so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
