Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
