she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
