I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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