i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
