So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize