just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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