I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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