He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
