Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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