There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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