I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
