He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
