I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
