Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize