shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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