girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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