At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
