Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
