Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
