i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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