i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
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I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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