I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
