Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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